Skills & Goals

If we match our goals to each child’s area of motivation, the result is a highly effective symbiotic marriage between skill acquisition (social interaction, toilet-training, language development, etc.) and a particular child’s natural areas of interest. Thus, learning is exponentially increased – with a unique and startling benefit: we have the child’s willing cooperation. So many parents tell us that their child, after being repeatedly taught a particular skill, may perform some rudimentary skill-based behaviors. However, they also explain that, when they do perform the behavior, their child appears “robotic,” exhibiting a “programmed response.” They frequently report that their child doesn’t spontaneously (let alone joyously) respond in new ways without a prompt or reward. In our approach, we are interested in helping children to actually learn what they’re missing. When a child has learned something – not memorized it, but learned it – it becomes a generalized skill they can use spontaneously. Again, let’s look at some benefits of this approach: our children’s rate of learning can increase exponentially – with their willing cooperation. Our children are enabled to acquire critical skills (social interaction, toilet-training, language development) with ease instead of strain. Moreover, our children can build the studentship necessary to be successful in traditional learning environments, such as school and social situations. Also, this approach enables our children to respond spontaneously, without requiring prompt or reward, and without seeming “robotic” or exhibiting a “programmed response.”

Teaching Socialization Through Play

The next principle to discuss is teaching socialization through interactive play. There are two prerequisites for implementing this principle effectively: specific skills or concepts that we want our children to learn (toilet-training, dressing oneself, reading, having a conversation, etc.) and the belief that our children are capable of learning them. Without this belief, the effectiveness of any teaching efforts is severely compromised. There are a number of specifics to this principle, some of which we will briefly touch upon here. The first is something we call the three E’s: energy, excitement, and enthusiasm. Getting sincerely excited about any activity we are doing with our children maximizes their engagement. A corollary of this is celebration. Celebrating children with animation whenever they accomplish something (no matter how seemingly small) is the key to getting children to “come back for more.” We also want to encourage children – especially our children – to be “good tryers.” This means not only celebrating our children when they successfully complete a task or say a word, but also celebrating their attempts – “That was so close! Nice try! Let’s try again.” Finally, we want to prioritize the interaction over the goal. No matter how important we think a particular goal is, interaction and connection will always get us and our children further in the long run. For a given child to accomplish a particular goal on a Thursday instead of Friday is much less significant than for that child to continue to build a bridge of interaction between his/her world and ours. Therefore, we vigorously pursue specific goals, but never at the expense of overall interaction and rapport. Benefits of this principle include: we are focusing learning on the area where our children need the most help, we stimulate in our children a self-perpetuating desire to learn, we promote increases in our children’s attention span, and we expand our children’s learning capabilities and at the same time enable our children to retain what they’ve learned. What’s more, we take the pressure and stress out of teaching.

Changing Behaviors

Another principle – often very much appreciated by many who come to the Autism Treatment Center of America – is to help children “unlearn” their challenging behaviors. Many parents and professionals tell us about having serious difficulties with their children’s tantrums and other challenging behaviors. Ironically, they often unwittingly react to these behaviors in ways that reinforce them. Think about what we normally do when our children do something we don’t want them to do: “Oh my gosh! Look what happened! Sally, no! I told you not to touch that! It’s very dangerous! Honey, look what Sally did!” We run around frantically, making a big Hollywood production out of whatever just happened. Of course, we’re doing our best to take care of the situation, but is this really getting us what we want? More importantly, are we teaching our children to behave and communicate effectively? This is a question worth asking, because it lies at the heart of our children’s progress (and, at times, our own well-being). And what happens when our children are playing sweetly and quietly (maybe even with their siblings)? Well, then we are very careful. Especially if such behavior is rare, we think my child (or children) is actually playing quietly – the last thing on earth I want to do is rock the boat. So we tiptoe around and stay out of the way, hoping the moment will last. And, again, we unwittingly teach the opposite of what we really want. It is important to understand that our children do not necessarily know how to communicate the way we do. They do the best they can to communicate what they want, and they use our reactions as gauges to see whether their communication is effective. Thus, our reactions become, in and of themselves, a form of communication. Whatever we give big reactions to (whether the reactions are of a happy or unhappy nature), we promote. When we yell and scream, we promote what we’re screaming about. When we clap and cheer, we also promote what we’re cheering about. On the other side, the less we react to something, the less we promote it. We would do well to always ask ourselves: what am I teaching or promoting with my reaction, and what is the best way for me to react, given what I want to teach my child?

Effective Communication

We can, if we choose, use our everyday reactions to teach our children sweet, easy ways to communicate – rather than the more aggressive or tantrum-oriented behaviors they may be using now. In fact, The Son-Rise Program is the fastest tantrum reduction and elimination program we’ve ever seen. The crucial beginning point for this is to remain calm and relaxed when our children do things that we don’t want. We might read the previous sentence and think: easier said than done. However, that is only because we have been taught to believe that the way our children behave is a comment on us as parents or teachers (remember when autism was thought to be caused by cold “refrigerator mothers”?). And yet, this is simply not true. Our children are just trying to communicate (or trying not to, as the case may be). What they do means nothing – absolutely nothing – about us. It just means they are trying to take care of themselves the best way they know how (just like we are). When we really believe this, then there is nothing to get worked up about, even when our children behave in a challenging manner. Again, we can always come back to our question: what is the best way for me to react, given what I want to teach my child? Simply by slowing down and toning down our reactions to challenging behaviors and stepping up our reaction to the behaviors we want (the opposite of how we often react in day-to-day situations), we enable swift, dramatic change. By then clearly showing our children, in a caring, supportive manner, which forms of communication (i.e. pointing or speaking rather than yelling or throwing things) we understand (and then really celebrating them when they communicate with us in this manner), we can help our children to communicate effectively without using challenging behaviors.

Utilize Your Child’s Intelligence

The beauty of this approach is that it plays to our children’s intelligence. What we have seen to be true is that when a mode of communication (a tantrum, for example) ceases to be effective both at getting a child what he/she wants and at generating a flamboyant reaction, that child will stop using that mode of communication. By the same token, when a child notices that he/she is getting what he/she wants more quickly and is getting big, fun reactions through the use of a particular mode of communication or behavior (attempting words, pointing, or even playing sweetly, for instance), that child becomes increasingly motivated to continue utilizing that form of communication or to repeat that particular behavior. The benefits of utilizing this principle are many. We quickly reduce or eliminate tantrums while at the same time helping our children to communicate more effectively. We maximize the types of behaviors we want and minimize those we don’t. Furthermore, we remove adversarial interactions. Another huge benefit to this approach is that is has a ripple effect: it teaches and promotes sweet, easy communication with any typical children we may have, as well.

Creating The Optimal Environment For Your Child

Also of critical importance is our child’s work/play environment. By creating an environment free from distractions and control battles, we can optimize learning and interaction. We construct a one-to-one work/playroom where the focus in upon interaction above all else. By removing TVs and electronic toys, colorful wallpaper, loud noises, etc., we clear away many of the obstacles that specifically hinder the learning and attention of children with autism and PDD, who are often highly overstimulated by their environment. In this special playroom, we give the child a great deal of control. It is precisely this control which enables our children to begin to feel free to step beyond the boundaries of their world. This experience of control of their environment goes a long way toward building trust and interaction. The more control these children experience, the more they will feel comfortable reaching out and connecting with others. The benefits here are, in brief: we stop the cycle of over-stimulation, increase our children’s focus and attention span, make person-to-person interaction central to the teaching process, and we drastically reduce control battles which hinder growth and interaction. All of this occurs in an environment in which we can feel comfortable in the assurance that our children are safe and secure. It is also very important that we discuss the two overarching principles which form the foundation of the first five described above. The first is that the parent is the child’s best resource. Having worked with parents and professionals from all corners of the globe, we’ve had the opportunity to speak with so many people who deeply love and care about their children. We have met professionals whose caring and dedication far outstripped the confines of their job, who’ve made their career their calling. However, we have seen nothing thus far to match the motivation, love, dedication, and lifelong commitment possessed by parents for their special children. Furthermore, no one has the kind of long-term, day-to-day experience with their own particular child that parents possess. Without question, professionals and other family members can be critically important. At the same time, because of their unique position in their child’s world, parents can positively affect their child’s life in a way no one else can. Therefore, not only do we acknowledge parents as the child’s most important resource, but we seek to empower them to the child’s advantage. This is why we teach them how to design, implement, and take a central role in their children’s programs.

The Importance of Attitude

The last principle to discuss focuses on an area often overlooked when it comes to the treatment of children with autism (or any other special needs, for that matter): attitude. A non-judgmental and optimistic attitude is crucial to effective implementation of any of the previous principles. What does this mean? First, it means that we don’t label our children’s repetitive and ritualistic behaviors as inappropriate, wrong, or bad. Like the idea of remaining calm in the face of an aggressive, challenging behavior, we may at first be tempted to see this attitudinal shift as difficult, if not impossible. And, again, it comes back to the issue of what we believe will ultimately be the most helpful for us and for our children. For this principle is every bit as practical and pragmatic as it is idealistic. We see time and again that children with autism tend to move away from people they perceive as uncomfortable or judging and toward people they see as comfortable, easy, fun, safe, and non-judgmental. Thus, we can use our attitude to become an interaction magnet. We can, indeed, go farther than that. By combining this non-judgmental attitude with an attitude of optimism and hope, we can lift our children to new heights. When I was diagnosed with autism, my parents decided to see possibilities where others saw none, and it was this perspective that enabled my complete recovery. In order to accomplish anything, we must first believe that it can be done. Let us believe in our children. When we don’t put limits on our children’s future, we open the door for limitless growth and progress. Hope is the vital ingredient. Why? Because hope leads to action. Without hope, there is no action. Every practical strategy of The Son-Rise Program® outlined here is based upon action. Every child with autism in the world that is helped by anyone is helped through action. Although we cannot know what any particular child will accomplish, we need not decide in advance what any child will not accomplish. Let’s give our children a chance. If we do only that, we will have given our children the greatest gift we could possibly give them.